Truth #4

The truth is, 

This is what happen when inferiority creeps in.

Datang seorang hamba Allah, adukan hal ini kepada Fathi.

"Rasa macam tak layak je nak jadi kawan kepada mereka.

Mereka sangat baik.

Rasa diri sendiri sangat kerdil dan kecil saat berada dengan mereka.

Mereka sangat cool.

Buat diri rasa segan.

Mereka berhak dapat seseorang yang lebih baik.

Mohon Allah jauhkan pengaruh buruk yang dibawa oleh diri.

Semoga mereka tidak dicemari dengan aura negatif dan pengaruh buruk ini.

Mohon Allah limpahkan rezeki dan kasih sayang yang banyak buat mereka.

Rugi kalau hilang kawan yang baik macam mereka.

Fathi, macam mana ni? Kalau saya kawan dengan mereka, takut saya susahkan mereka. Tapi saya nak sangat kawan dengan mereka. Tapi rasa diri sendiri tak layak. Allah je yang tahu macam mana saya rasa. Fathi, ada pendapat?"

Fathi diam. Pandang jauh dengan pandangan kosong.

Macam mana nak jawab soalan ni? Mencabar.

"Apa kata awak minta petunjuk dari Allah. Mungkin Allah dah hantar orang-orang yang baik untuk jadi teman perjalanan hidup awak. Tapi kenapa awak rasa macam awak tak layak pulak?"

Sungguh. Pelik. Tapi otak aku berfikir ligat jugak ni. Ada ke perasaan macam ni? Ini pasti inferior tahap super. Mohon Allah jauhkan perasaan ini.

"Awak rasa, mereka suka tak kawan dengan saya?"

Allah. Mana aku nak tahu ni. Soalan apakah ini wahai teman. Mencabar. Sebab aku tak mampu nak jawab.

"Kalau dia sudi bantu awak dalam susah dan sudi teman awak waktu awak gembira, jadinya, mereka mesti suka kawan dengan awak. Apa kata awak minta petunjuk dari Allah".

Kali kedua aku sebut pendapat yang sama. 

"Tapi kadang-kadang, mereka macam tak suka je kawan dengan saya."

Erk. Macam mana pulak ni. Ada saja jawapan beliau.

"Tak apa. Doa banyak-banyak dulu. Dan..jangan lupa usaha. Awak janganlah ada sangkaan yang buruk-buruk. OK? Anything, just let me know. Saya kawan awak jugak kan?"

Oh. Giliran aku bertanya.

"OK. Mestilah awak kawan saya." Beliau senyum manis.

Mesti kawan-kawan yang dia sebut tu sangat special. Sampai dia rasa inferior seperti ini.

Awak, jangan macam ni. Awak bukan sorang-sorang.

HE listens to every thoughts.

Percaya. Yakin.

Found It #3

Relationships

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. 

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. 

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. 

They may seem like a godsend and they are. 

They are there for the reason you need them to be. 

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. 

Sometimes they die. 

Sometimes they walk away. 

Some times they act up and force you to take a stand. 

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. 

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.  

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. 

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. 

They may teach you something you have never done. 

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. 

Believe it, it is real. 

But only for a season! 

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. 

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. 

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. 

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

Found it at :

Islamicoccasions.com

p/s:

Ini sangat menyentuh hati. 

2394 messages

It has been almost 2 months.

And the phone's inbox is full with words and words and words.

2394 messages exactly.

Leaving behind the other senders, the sender owns the first place.

I do not mean to treat the others like contestants.

It is just an analogy.

It clearly indicates how I do have a lot to tell people.

Maybe sometimes, I just don't follow the exact protocol.

That is why pen and paper are in crucial need.

When you have no one to talk to, spill it all on the paper.

Then, you decide. Keep the paper or throw it away.

When you decide to keep it, surely it will be a very good reference in future.

But, if you choose to throw it away, let's assume you did that to erase all negative vibes that surrounded you while you were writing it. 

A good decision, indeed.

No hard feelings.

Don't be over-sensitive, I tell you.

Because you will literally be dying slowly.

It is not good for your health.

Inside and outside.

Am aware of this.

And am trying my best to avoid being an over-sensitive person.

To tell you the truth, 

it is super challenging to accomplish that mission.

But I'll try no matter how hard it is.

I know that surrounding plays a role. But, lemme tell you this.

You should not put blame on others.

Always look at your own faults.

No doubt. It is all back to ourselves.

The power is in your hand. You have the control.

My apology for being so upset these past few weeks.

But, am adjusting.

I am reducing my panic-attack disorder. (It's a disorder kan? Uhuk2. It sounds so teruk.)

Wanna know how I do that?

I try to go to class late. And I'm kinda okay with that.

Haha. But I do feel nervous.

I didn't do my homework regularly.

I push it all to the last minute.

And that is super crazy.

I am testing my own patience.

I know that there's no need to conform.

But, voices around me keep on telling me that I have to improve myself.

I thought I was doing it right. Keeping myself relax and not-panic.

But, I found out today that my performance is degrading.
I really thought that I have done it right.

But I am actually not.

No one is to be blamed.
It is all my fault.

If I am allowed to hurt myself, I would slap my face KUAT-KUAT.

Duh ''-__- 

orang lain semua relax je.

Aku jugak yang kecoh last-last.

Kenyataan itu memang menyakitkan.

Right now, I feel like everything I do is not right.

Ada sahaja yang tak kena.

But, But, But....

I am very proud of myself because I was able to put four characters in the archive box.

Four characters in life that have made my world upside down.

Now that they have gone, I am able to breathe normally and .. smile happily.

I told myself not to mention even their names for like 10 days and I managed to do that.

It did not stop until the 10th day.

Cukup sepuluh hari, aku sambung lagi sepuluh hari dan sepuluh hari lagi..

sehinggalah secara semulajadinya, mulut aku tak sebut langsung nama mereka.

I am doing all these, step by step.

You know what.

If people wont listen to you, then dont talk. 

It is as easy as that.

I asked myself these two questions: 

Ingat cakap kuat-kuat tu comel ke? Ingat cakap banyak tu luar biasa ke?

I was trying so hard to talk softly and you know...rendahkan suara and what not.

And I tried not to talk super banyak.

But it just didnt work out!

Oh Allah. What do I do?

Seriously, I need help.

I figured out one solution.

Find more distractions.

Last but not least, 

If you don't try, You won't know.

p/s: Ini krisis mid-degree kah? Ahaha. Nonsense.

Simple Plan - Look at the lyrics.

"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life.

 

p/s: You don't know what it is like, when nothing feels all right. Indescribable feeling.

Sudah kembali.

"^_^ 

Hati gembira.

Boleh diakses semula belog Mr.K.

Terima Kasih.

Access Denied.

''T_T

Hati sedih bukan kepalang.

Tak boleh baca belog TheOtherKhairul lagi dah.

Dia sekat.

Tapi kenapa?

Mr.K, kenapa?

Hati remuk.

Sekian.

Memory is Effort

Memory is effort.

Let's look at Dr. Subra's theory of memory retention.

Read ONCE, 10% of memory retention.

Read TWICE, 20% of memory retention.

Read 3x , 40% of memory retention.

Read 4x , 60% of memory retention. (At this level, you now can be considered as a B student.)

Read 5x or 6x , more than 70% of memory retention. (At this level, you now can be classed as an A student.)

Hmm..what I can derive from Dr. Subra's theory is, "The main point here is, READ the notes laa. If not, you will not be able to sit for Semantic's examination."

The more effort, the more memory. Erk. Haha. Sounds funny kan?

Betullah.

Less effort, less memory.

Hm. Likewise.

The more you remember Allah, the more blessings from Allah you will get.

Nice theory. Memory is effort =)