Random Thoughts (generated while doing Fiqh assignment)

30 October 2011

1.   Heheh. I know. Despite of having not enough time to finish my 15 pages long term paper, I still have the time to let my mind walk and stroll around somewhere I don’t even know where.

2.   I was feeling frustrated yesterday. Both of my beloved friends got infected with virus demam. I have a very strong feeling that it was me who spread the germs to them. 

(Penyebar Virus Bergerak: Anda, Anda dan Anda merupakan salah seorang daripada penjahat ini. Termasuk saya. Haih. Maafkan saya.)

3.   Doing Fiqh assignment is really testing my patience. My fever has now gone (I am very confident to say this eventhough I am not fully cured, yet. This is called as “Positive Thinking”. From my personal opinion, at least. Haha. Aku mahu sihat. Mengaku sihat walaupun suhu badan agak tinggi. Demam..pergilah jauh-jauh..tak larat dah ni nak tanggung kesakitan.)

4.   Muhammad Salih al-Munajjid is a very controversial scholar of our time. I am seriously having hard time writing about him. Silap pilih tajuk ni. Tapi tidak mengapa. Mencuba sesuatu yang menyumbangkan ilmu baru kepada kita bukanlah suatu kesalahan. Kontroversi itu ilmu. Ilmu itu menarik. Yeah.

31 October 2011

1.    A friend of mine sent a message to me:

“Anyway, take it easy. Don’t stress, not good for your health. Plus it’s all duniawi stuff. Do the best that you can.”

Thank you so much, friend. I do appreciate it. Tapi…hm..nevermind.

2.   Assignments are giving me a real headache. Want to know why I am stress? The answer is bad time management with a combination of terrible stress management. Okay. Now, tell me. Siapa yang tak stress tengok kawan baik sendiri tak layan anda bila berjumpa secara berdepan? Drama swasta berada di mana-mana dan pasti akan menyumbang kepada stress. Betul kan?

3.   Saya OK je. Ayat pertanyaan tadi cuma contoh semata.

4.   Soalan yang sama. Kenapa saya stress? Kerana saya penat dan ada banyak kerja. Saya tidak cukup tidur. Oleh itu, badan dan otak telah memberikan tindak balas yang amat hebat. Maka terhasillah stress dan juga penyakit tambahan seperti migraine dan demam panas.

5.   Maaf, teman. Jangan salahkan saya. Saya perlukan sokongan. Bukan kritikan.

6.   Adik-adik dan kawan-kawan yang disayangi Allah sekalian, jauhi sikap suka bertangguh. Ia memakan diri. I promised that you will suffer if you choose to procrastinate. I’ve been there. IT HURTS A LOT! Literally, I was hurting.

7.   Ujian adalah tarbiyah dari Allah. Apakah kita akan sama ataupun sebaliknya.

Jangan difikir derita akan berpanjangan. Harus ada rasa percaya.

Ya. Saya cuba untuk muhasabah diri. Agar tidak hanya memandang pada duniawi.

Harapan itu Hope. Hope itu Harapan.

Assalamualaikum.

Anda punya harapan? Bagus. Aku pun ada. Tapi..meh nak kastau..

Berharap pada sesuatu yang tidak pasti sama sahaja seperti kita membuang masa.

Kalau asyik letak harapan je, tapi tak ada usaha, sama jugak macam buang masa. Kan?

Terkadang, harapan kita cipta, usaha kita berganda, tetapi..akhirnya, harapan hancur juga mungkin oleh kerana sebab-sebab  yang lain. Jangan sedih... pasti ada hikmahnya. Be strong. Jangan nangis..

Di sini, ingin aku cadangkan..

Sandarkan harapanmu pada Allah.

Pasti tiada kekecewaan. Bila kita yakin dengan janji Allah, Allah pasti tidak akan sia-siakan harapan kita.

Suatu ketika, ada yang memberi pesan.

Seorang individu yang telah melantik diri beliau sebagai “Penjaga” aku.

[Huh. Self-appointed. Aku tak lantik pun dia.]

Beliau telah berpesan..

“Awak, jangan letak harapan yang tinggi dekat sesiapa pun. Awak hanya boleh berharap pada Allah je. Sebab nanti pasti awak tak akan kecewa. Percayalah cakap saya. Kalau berharap sangat pada manusia ni, nanti satu hari kalau kecewa, sakit. Sangat sakit rasa kecewa tu.”

Sebelum beliau sampaikan pesanan di atas kat aku, beliau cakap begini:

“Awak, you can count on me tau. Anytime. I will definitely be there for you. Saya nak jadi Guardian awak.” 

Ha-ha-ha. Sangat ironi kerana, pada saat akhirnya, beliau telah menghilangkan diri dengan jayanya.

Hilang, seperti debu yang ditiup angin.  

Akan tetapi, pesanan beliau ada benarnya. Jangan sandarkan harapan yang terlalu tinggi pada sesuatu yang  tidak pasti. The only option, the only solution, is Allah. 

[ Guardian apanya kalau hilang saat aku memerlukan? Individu tersebut mulutnya penuh gula. Ceh!]

Remember...

HE listens to every single thoughts.

Shining in the sand and sun,

Like the pearl upon the ocean.

Feel me and heal me.

I Miss You

I can feel it.
I miss her.

She asked me, "Esok you free? Can we sit together and talk just like the old times?"
And I replied, "Sure, I will let you know when we can sit together and have a nice chat."
I was very excited. 
Cant stop smiling.

Both of us have our own schedules.
More appropriate way to say this is, We both have our own world now.
Your world, I can see from far and I admire it.
My world, you will never want to take a look at (it is horrible, I think.)

I am a good observer, says you.
I replied, I will be your eyes when you cant see the things you should see.
You said, it's very poetic the way I said it.
And I smiled.
How I miss you.

May Allah bless you.
I will love you, forever.
And, will always be your eyes and ears.
Love, Fathi.

Correction, please..

“I feel normal when I am with Lavender and Butterfly. I feel strangely normal and normal and normal when I am with Kareena and Karisma. Ahaha, now I am giving names to them. Well, they are nice names. Aren’t they?”

Now…here is the correction.

I do not know why I called her Karisma. She is supposed to be Manisha :D

Yes..I remember that song. Aamir Khan with Manisha in that Bollywood movie titled Maan. It’s us. Haha. I am Aamir Khan and Zie would be Manisha.

That is what Sue told me. She will keep on repeating saying that for-ever. Haha.

Sue is Kareena, Zie is Manisha and I am Aamir Khan. Heheh.

I hope my facts here are correct and valid. Oh dear, I shouldn’t simply give names to people. It is just not nice and not proper.

I will try my best to address people appropriately after this.

You should just be happy.

Be yourself and improve yourself first.

Stop looking at the others and stop blaming yourself for not being able to be as cool as they are.

Love, Fathi.

Back To Reality

I am now back.

The university has welcomed me with a happy face.

Meeting friends on the very first week of new semester has always been a very exciting moment.

Everyone is looking forward to that.

It was a bit awkward to meet the others again.

Mixtures of vibes are all around and it was giving me a tiny feeling of nervousness.

As usual...My panic attack came on the very first day.

I was panicking to meet my friends whom I have been longing for (erk..tu pun nak panic.parah.)

Here we go, my two lovely friends.

Both of them looked just fine.

And I was super relieved to know that they spent time together more often now. I do not mind that. Eventhough I felt a bit left out. The most important thing to me is to see both of them happy.

Their calm vibes made me feel at ease.

One of them though has a very hectic schedule. She looked as if she doesn’t sleep at all. And she looked exhausted. Her face was very pale and she kept on saying that she's too busy.

I was worried to see her like that. She's supposed to be happy and get enough sleep and also spend time eating good food.

I see red cheeks no more. She's very pale. Seriously, she has to relax a bit. I will make sure that I will always ask her to eat every time I meet her. That is the very small thing that I can do to help.

My other friend is looking just fine and I was surprised to see myself at last can look at her without any weird, heartbreaking and grumpy feelings.

She's so happy that her vibe made me feel okay whenever I see her.

Oh and we're very hyper in class. She called it as the art to survive. At least we don’t sleep during lectures. Haha.

Coming to the interesting part of my new semester, being friends with two beautiful, happy-go-lucky and COOL girls has never come across in my mind.

The days we spent together are always filled with laughter.

I laugh A LOT. They describe me as someone yang sangat geli hati. Ahaha. Oh, and that is a fact. Cannot deny the fact that, I laugh at almost everything. Ah, Gila.

When we are together, the three of us will always have our own evil plans.

Nobody knows how we are living our life so happily, having nothing to worry about. (Now, that’s a lie I think :P heh. We always worry about our assignments and how we are having not enough time to SLEEP. Lol.). Things are getting much better when I am with them.

I feel normal when I am with Lavender and Butterfly.

I feel strangely normal and normal and normal when I am with Kareena and Karisma.

Ahaha, now I am giving names to them. Well, they are nice names. Aren’t they?

It has now been the third week of our new semester.

I am hoping that this sem will end safely. I just want to be safe.

Selamat dan aman. Itu yang penting.

I will make sure that I will never cry of silly things this sem. Enough of being bullied.

Sekarang, aku sudah ada kuasa! Haha. Oh, thanks Kareena. You are really helping me out in chasing away the habit of not knowing how to say NO to people.

Stop being too nice, says I.

May Allah bless us all :)

Until next time, do smile and take care of yourself.

Fathi says, Thank You :)